I can’t help but find it odd that thousands of British women are desperate for fashion advice from someone who, by definition, finds the female form father hideous. And before anyone points out that most designers are gay men – yes, exactly, which is why they make clothes better suited to androgynous teenage boys than grown women.
But still, he’s friendly and down-to-earth, and I much prefer him to those awful witches Trinny and Susannah, with their insistence on ripping apart the wardrobes and self-esteem of poor ordinary women whilst their eyes glint with smug self-satisfaction. Urgh.
Anyway, Gok has, as he insists on telling us at various intervals throughout Gok’s Fashion Fix, ‘a new mantra – buy less, wear it more.’ He’s here to clean out your closets of junk and strip them down to a 24-piece ‘capsule’ wardrobe, letting you look goktastically fabulous on any occasion.
Now I am absolutely useless at putting together those ‘capsule’ wardrobe thingys. Every time I make the journey from Cardiff to London, even if just for a few weeks, I always seem to just shove as much as I can in the suitcase, without considering how I’ll wear them all together, until it’s almost too heavy for me to lift. Then when I arrive I realise that absolutely nothing goes with anything else, end up having to wear the same outfit every day and return home with half the stuff I brought with me unworn. Oh dear.
So I was hoping that Aunty Gok would be able to give me a few tips on how to slim down my suitcase. But sadly, it seems the first rule about the ‘capsule wardrobe’ is that it will be different for everyone, and the tips Gok gave poor old Dawn from Cornwall did nothing to help me personally. For starters, he made a white button-down shirt and office-friendly trousers two of her staples, but as I haven’t worn a white shirt since I left school and I’m on a magazine journalism course where the mantra scruffier-is-better still rules, I think you can count me out of those.
He also went for pieces that ‘show off her fabulous boobs and tiny waist’, as he said, and hid her ghastly bottom half (well, he didn’t tell her it was ghastly, but with his insistence than anything below her waist be hidden in a kind of bum-hijab he may as well have). Well I don’t have boobs and my bottom half isn’t that shabby at all, so again, Gok was not to my rescue.
So in the end, all I got from this programme was that you need a stylist to come round your house and personally perfect your ‘capsule’ wardrobe if you want to look anything other than a swamp monster. Oh yes, and that you can sew diamante chains and iron fake studs on to your clothes. Which look hideous.